Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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