Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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