if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it was like eating out sand paper
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
