She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
