I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
