Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
