can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
