Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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