Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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