you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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