i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
