I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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