i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it glows. i had to have it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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