I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
