this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
