I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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