I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
