Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
cat food counts as protein by the way
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
