were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
