This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
