Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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