Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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