she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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