good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
