Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
