Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
