I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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