You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
