How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
