shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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