Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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