Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
