You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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