Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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