I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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