I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
