well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
