Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you didnt know i had herpes?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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