These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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