My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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