We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
