it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
