In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
