he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
