Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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