You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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