just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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