last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
