We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
