She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
